Do you have a personality quirk or disorder?
Do you have a personality quirk or disorder?Let me start by saying that i have dealt with a lot of guys who do, and i think those guys are all long gone from here, because i can't deal with that shit. And so if you're reading this, there's a really good chance that you don't have a personality quirk or disorder. Either that or I'm just lucky enough not to have seen much of it. Again, if i did, you wouldn't still be subscribed to me.But let's discuss some "habits" that some people have when communicating with others that comes across as deeply unlikable. There's def. a difference between a quirk vs. a disorder, but they often have the same result. The result being that you could be making people hate you. The difference being that a quirk can be easily worked out, but a disorder is a battle. Even just admitting the issue is very hard for people who have the issue, and once they do, they have a lot of work to overcome it. If you just have a quirk, you might have worked it all out simply by reading on!!REMEMBER: You can't rely only on "well nobody has ever told me i'm like thatbefore." Unfortunately, people care so little, they won't even tell you, they'll just stop talking to you because that's the easiest thing they can do. So i'lll try to give you some clues as to whether or not you are doing this, but ultimately the best way to know something is wrong is if you find a lot of people just not putting in any effort to talk to you anymore.1) Do you argue with people for sport? There are people who genuinely find it fun/funny to just disagree with whatever anyone says. To tell people theyr'e wrong. I don't mind being told if something i'm saying is wrong, but the type of person i'm talking about will find go out of their way to point out how wrong you are, even if you're not wrong at all!How would you know if this is you? Do people constantly tell you, "Ok you win." If so, they might be saying that out of pity. Has anone ever told you, "why can't you just admit that you were wrong when you tried to tell me i was wrong" Have you found yourself saying, "I'm just playing around; playing devil's advocate is all."2) Do you feel the need to qualify your opinions and your ideas, by dropping your accomplishments, titles, and/or degrees into every discussion you have? That is textbook insecurity if you're doing it. You shouldn't have to qualify the things you say much at all, because the things you say should stand on their own merit. If you believe in what you say that is. IF you are qualifying yourself all the time, you're really saying, "What i'm saying might sound kind of shaky and you might not agree with it, but you have to agree with me because i have a resume!!"3) Do you talk about yourself too often and with too much love for yourself?Do you talk about yourself a lot with people? Are you answering their questions or you just go on a roll? If you're truly interesting, people will ask you questions and you'll only talk about yourself when asked to. But if you're not interesting, you might find the need to tell people about yourself because they don't care enough to ask. Again, there is no need to go on and on about yourself unless you're answering questions or in the flow of a back and forth discussion.How do you know if you're doing this: When you tell people about yourself, do they look away? Do they change the subject immediately?4) Are you incapable of picking up obvious social cue from someone? Do you remember conversations where you got a vibe that someone was getting tired of hearing you talk about something? It's actually good if you did. Because everyone will bore people at some point, or they'll talk about something the other person doesn't feel like talking about. That's normal. The thing is, people with a quirk/disorder you won't pick up on it. You won't pay any attention to the cues most people would. You have to read the room and be willing to care about the obvious signs. Also don't confuse this for "hey do you want me to talk about something different?" That would be lame, lol. If you get a bad vibe, you just change the subject or just cool it.5) Do you lie a lot and in a way that people kind of know you're lying or at least exaggerating all the time? I'm not here to tell you to be honest 100% of the time, that's a lifestyle choice. But there are like 10% of people out there who i would call obvious liars. They just have this vibe that they're coated with, where you just know half the shit they say is untrue. People can't stand this.How would you know if this is you? Has anyone ever told you that you lie a lot? lol, That's a pretty good start. Do you find yourself lying sometimes? Do you do it compulsively? Again, I'm not saying if someone asks you how often you watch porn that you're going to tell them the truth. I'm talking more about the kind of person who tells lies that don't even really benefit them.6) Are you ok to admit you don't know something? For example: If someone asks me, "Hey do you know if Taiwan has good subway system?" I would just say "No I have no idea." There are some people who might say, "Oh ya they have one of the most efficient systems in the world actually," without actually knowing anything about it. Basically they are just guessing because they dont' want to say they don't know. But if you do that enough, people will know and they'll think you're BS. So I realize this one is complicated. It's not immoral to guess about things or even to take educated guesses on things. The distinction is in whether or not you put the disclaimer on it or not. Do you say, "I'm not sure, but based on what i know of the region and the country I would guess that they have an efficient system there, better that ours." Which would be great! But if you just take an educated guess without qualifying it as a guess, you are just pretending to know shit that you don't.I know this isn't the most comfortable topic to discuss, but it only does us well to do a little checkup on yourself this way from time to time.
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Kay
If you plan on being with a SE Asian woman, congrats! I like your decision and the dynamic works really well. BUT, I think it's important to understand some of the frequent issues that do happen, and how to avoid them. While it's easy to say that financial issues and infidelity are key reasons for divorce anywhere, I think the difference here is that you have a better chance to avoid the issues if you're smart. If a woman in your home country wants to find a guy with more money, or starts banging a guy at work I'm not sure you have a lot of control over that. What it mainly comes down to here: Is establishing that you will not tolerate being treated less than or worse than she would treat you if you're a local man. It is likely that you will treat her better than the local men she's been with have, so the least she could do is treat you as well as she did them. Yet I think the opposite happens entirely too much. Here are some key points to consider:Justifications:There's a lot of justifications going on, and many are preposterous. You need to close the lid on all of them immediately. Here are some examples of how she might justify things:1) "I know a local guy would pay $600 sin sot (dowry) to my family to marry me, but my fiancé comes from a wealthier country and he should pay much more than that, maybe $6,000." I touched on this in a recent post. I would probably go as high as paying double just to avoid drama in this situation, though still unfair, but i routinely hear of Western men paying $30,000 to a girl who no local man would pay any money to because of her past. That's abusive, and if you do that, you are really opening the door to massive problems for the duration of your marriage.2) "I will never cheat on this man.....with a foreigner. He probably wouldn't even mind if i cheat a little with the local guys i call my cousin sometimes. I'm sure he sees ladies of the night once in a while, though i have no proof of this. So ya, i'll show him the respect of never cheating with another foreigner, only local men." And as insane as this sounds, it is very common. Any strange relationships your girl has with a local should be treated the same way that you would if you had a western gf/wife who was acting strange with a cousin who you have no proof is even a cousin. The hilarious thing is that i know of several girls who got caught doing this and were genuinely stunned when the husband left. They really thought it shouldn't count. I blame the girl; believe me I do. And I'm not victim blaming, but i want to point out that if the man had a serious talk with the girl before getting serious, and said, "any infidelity will be met with you arriving at your grandmother's with nothing other than a bookbag with some socks and a shirt," I think she'd have a lot harder time justifying things. Be very clear, and it's even OK to be repetitive.Note 1 -- You cannot be scared. Some girls will use a bad attitude to get around these talks. "Why you tell me this, you making me angry. I don't want to hear it." Too f'n bad! You're investing your time, heart, reputation, and finances. A few business talks are necessary, and if she can't handle them SHE'S NOT THE ONE.Note 2 - If you are a degenerate cheat, and she didn't know she was going to get that from you, and then you find out she banged the pool boy, then you're both in the wrong. Now if you explain to her in the beginning that you are going to see ladies casually and very behind the scenes, and that she can choose not to be with you if she can't handle it, and she says it's OK, that's something different. Many women here will be ok with that as long as it's framed very early. She could change her mind, and she'd have a right to do that; but in that case I'd hope she would at least tell you that if you don't stop she's going to leave, rather than just cheating on you to get even. In any case, this is 2025, juggling multiple love interests is insane - your wife can see where you are every second of your life now. Just stop. But also don't accept her doing anything bad either, obviously. * Sad to say there are some WEstern men who are ok with it as long as it's with a local guy, who don't even cheat themselves. And that's just sooooo awful. You can't be that guy.Wifely duties:For some reason, it just seems like it's easier for a woman here to be less patient and less nice to a foreign man than with a local. As I had mentioned before, they might even be significantly more jealous. Some guys attribute this to the girls being more afraid to act up. There's a bit of truth to that, but i think more than anything it comes down to a lack of respect. I think it's very important for a guy to set the ground rules early and often: you do not tolerate being treated like a chiild, and you do not tolerate being disrespected. At least not anymore so than she'd treat a local.Note - Just having the "I will not accept you treating me worse than you'd treat a local guy" is actually a powerful thing that few guys would ever say. But it needs to be said. There is this belief that WEstern guys are more willing to be treated badly, and for some strange reason, a lot of girls push that to its limits.IF a woman here is married to a local, she will almost always do all of the housework, and she'll take pride in it. For some reason the girls I see not doing that tend to be married to Westerners. And it seems like the worst offenders were with many Western men. It's as if their connection to their cultural femininity erodes more and more with each Western man they spend time with. Try to find women who lack experience with Western men if at all possible.Getting abuused Financially:I'm really tired of hearing about how Western men go visit their gf's family in the village and leave feeling like they just had a horrific weekend in Las Vegas. They go to what is likely the cheapest place they could ever imagine, and somehow wind up spending $3,000 USD. I've discussed this before; you really can't let this happen. The whole village will basically take as much from you as you're willing to have taken until you say NO MORE. And some guys are incapable of saying NO MORE. They will push the limits. Some girls don't like that this happens to their man, but you know what..they're not telling people to STFU are they? They kind of let it happen.That's not the only way this goes down. The entitlement that some women here have with Western men spending on them is just not in the same galaxy as what happens when they're with local guys. And i know that there's a difference in assets, but that's no reason for a girl to DEMAND you spend big money on her and her family, whereas she expected her ex to spend almost nothing. Whereas they may try to help build up their local husband; a lot of women feel ok to spend the Western guy down to 0, almost acting like there is no 0, and then in the small chance that it happens they could easily just bail.It happens too much and I hate it. It's certainly not all girls. But this happens a lot for two reasons:1) Because Western men are often pairing with the worst SE ASian women by finding them in tourist friendly/questionable places/venues.2) Because Western men are not willing to insist on financial convo's early and often.Bottom Line:Listen, I didn't even get into the "your girl probably gave her ex a massage every day and you're lucky if she gives you one a year. I mean, TRUE, lol. But you have bigger things to worry about. If you're an older guy and out of shape and you're with a pretty 25 year old girl, she could easily fall in love with you. HOWEVER, why did she go on a date with you on day 1? Is it because you're soooo handsome? Come on. She went with financial incentive. Again, she could certainly love how nice you are and love your personality, and she could fall in love with you, and even find attraction there. But it's that first date motivation that you can never forget. Because she'll never forget it. And the truth is that if that girl was with a local guy 30+ years older, she'd likely have similar expectations as well.Just be reasonable:You can't expect perfectly fair 10000% of the time from any human. IF her ex was 22 and you're 52, guess what: you're going to spend more money on her than he did. IF her ex was a good-looking local guy and you haven't' taken care of yourself, guess what: she might not be as sexually attracted to you, at least early on. So you have to have some flexibility. Like i said, older local men would have different expectations to, so i think you'd want to mirror those expectations. But you're not a punching bag, you're not Santa Claus, and there is no upside in letting someone abuuse you.
Kay
9 апр. 2025How do you do in a situation where you encounter a hot girl!??! I'm not talking about going up to a hot girl stranger at starbucks and starting to talk to her. That's somewhat psychotic to do. I'm talking about if it actually occurs organically. Like maybe you're at the the supermarket and the cashier just so happens to be super hot. Ok ok, not the most realistic example, we live in a world where super hot girls tend NOT to be cashiers. But just go with me. You have a lot of groceries, a multi-minute interaction with her is upon you. Are you cool? Are you calm? Are you weird in that spot? Buckle up!
So let's do this: First we'll go through your side of the initial encounter. And then we'll run it back with you putting yourself in her shoes. Literally do that, because I'm starting a new website called "Dudez in Heelz" and i need creators! Ok no, not literally.
LEt's start: Imagine what you're most likely thinking in those initial 3-5 seconds of realizing how pretty this girl is. Something in your head says, "Hooooo Leeee SHIEIEIET" as in, Kay's neighbor Ho Lee Shiet sounds like a nice man. Not quite that. But more like, "uhhhhhhhh oooooohhuhhh my gooooooRRRRRRRdddddd!! why? why is this?? This is WHY? What who where? When marry??!" Ya, something like that. So that happens for a few seconds, and then you most likely walk it back a bit with the epiphany, "oh shit, I'm short circuiting, visibly." You cough it off, gotta play it cool. Ok you coughed a lot, so now she won't think you were acting weird because of her beauty; she'll see it was obviously just an impending cough. Ok now she says something to you!! it's that time. "Credit, Debit, or Cash, sir?" And you of course respond like a bad-ass, think: Ryan Reynolds witty/funny mixed with Henry Cavil's rugged/manliness thing..only times a million!! You confidently say, "ALL OF THE ABOVE ma'am!" And then with a puzzeled smirk, she says, "ok but no you actually have to pick one of the three." Uh oh. You're in trouble. And you already used your cough lifeline, you're not getting out of this one without a few scars, are you? Think quickly!!! Ok here goes: "Someone asked me if you were beautiful, pretty, or cute.... and i told them "ALL OF THE ABOVE!!!" Woahhh!! You pulled that one out of nowhere!!! Amazing!!! You're good under pessure!!! Let's see how she responds: "SECURITY!!!! IT'S HAPPENING AGAIN. !!!!!" Alright... you got banned from the store. But the good news is, it's only a 1 year ban! You'll get another shot a this a year from now!
And now let's examine this situation from the camera that was pointing at her. After she gives a lady a receipit, she sees you are the next person up. LEt's get in her head and she what she's saying!!!!! ..................................... That was it?? ok, well she didn't say anything. She wasn't actually thinking anything about you at all. Because she checks out a few hundred people per day. Alright let's fast forward to the part in the video where you started short cicuiting and let's get into her brain again and see what she was saying. "Ohhh, oh dear, not again!" Ok well we figured that, didn't we. But unlike most guys, you had the cough save! Let's see if it worked: "Oh nooooo, not the cough save move. Poor guy used his cough lifeline already." Oh ok, well i guess the cough move is out there now, damn influencers sharing all the strategies! Alright well we know it didn't go well when you said "All of the above," but let's just rip the bandaid off. What did she say for that? "lol, ok that was funny. but has he forgotten that he has to pay for the food he's buying? Can't i just get a few guys on this line who don't act like this!!!!"
OR something like that. Were you expecting me to give you tips on how to get the girl? She's a hot girl who deals with the public constantly. NEarly every man gets weird with her in nearly every interaction. The only unique interactions she has are the ones where a guy just treats her like any other cashier. Those to her are meaningful. And you don't have to end up with the girl. Let me say that again for the people in the back: YOU DON'T HAVE TO END UP WIHT THE GIRL. The best version of your life probably doesn't include some hot girl who is going to have twisted expectations of a man thanks to every exeprience she's ever had telling her, "all men do what you want them to do." Just be cool. If you want to appreciate her beauty, do so without being weird, and you certainly don't need to tell her she's pretty. She hears it enough. Again, this isn't about getting the girl, this is like, "for the betterment of society type stuff." We don't always have to get something out of things. We don't have to win something all the time.
And that's today's post! ......................... ohhh really? You just can't let it go can you? YOu're just unable to treat this experience with a hot girl as you would with anyone else. OHHH, i'm just tired now. IF you must.... the guy who shops there weekly, is normal with her every time he checks out. Smiles and says hi, please, and thank you just as he would to every other cashier...is probably the one who winds up getting this girl a couple of months later. Because by then she's thinking, "If this guy is into women, he is the most disciplined "not going to let myself short circuit a single moment" MFer i have ever seen!! "This guy never even had to use the cough move!!!! HOW? WHO WHY? WHEN MARRY?!?!?!" Kind of!